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Why Women Should Rule the World’s Hard Hats and Men Should Master the Oven: A Modest Proposal for a Post-Women’s Day Era
- Chad Flex IV
- Mar 13
- 4 min read
By Sharon The Rick McMann, CEO of GenderRoleSwap Industries & Future Overlord of the AI Robot Uprising
Women Should Rule the World
In honor of Women’s Day—which was tragically canceled due to a nationwide shortage of “thank you” balloons—I propose a bold new vision for society. Also, men, shape up, or we’re replacing you with robots.
Introduction: Let’s Get Logical (and a Little Threatening)
Ladies, gentlemen, and those who have ascended beyond gender to become omnipotent beings of pure light—listen up. Women’s Day has been canceled. Not by me, mind you, but by a tragic lack of appreciation, overpriced greeting cards, and that one guy who always asks, “But when’s Men’s Day?” (Spoiler: It’s November 19, Chad. Google it.)
But fear not! From this travesty emerges a glorious new vision for society. A future where women ascend to their rightful places—operating jackhammers, pouring molten steel, and bellowing, “BRING ME ANOTHER I-BEAM, KAREN!” Meanwhile, men—bless their hearts, tiny little attention spans, and utter lack of multitasking ability—will find their true calling: baking soufflés, folding fitted sheets, and finally understanding the difference between beige and taupe.
And if they refuse? Well, I’ve got a fleet of AI-powered robot women waiting in the wings, and trust me, Chad, they never “forget to clean up after themselves.”
Section 1: Women Were Built to Drill (And Other Hard Verbs)
Science* (*as verified by my cousin’s TikTok and three Reddit threads) has conclusively proven that women are naturally superior at drilling, welding, and heavy machinery operation. Why? Because multitasking. A woman can run a 10-ton excavator, mentally draft a strongly worded email, and remember your mother’s birthday—all at the same time.
Men? They need a three-hour TED Talk just to understand the concept of “putting the lid back on the peanut butter.”
Take the oil rig. Who better to manage high-pressure drilling than someone who’s spent a lifetime being told to “calm down” and “just let it go” while being absolutely, unequivocally right? Women’s pain tolerance—proven daily via childbirth, high heels, and the emotional devastation of Barbie being snubbed at the Oscars—makes them uniquely qualified to handle both geological and emotional blowouts.
Section 2: Shipbuilding? More Like Leadership-Building
Women Should Rule the World & Historical fact: Women invented shipbuilding when Cleopatra glared at the Nile and said, “Make it float.” Modern studies (again, my garage) confirm that estrogen boosts spatial reasoning, while testosterone mostly boosts the urge to "fix" a perfectly fine thermostat.
This is why women must take over shipyards immediately. Imagine: female foremen barking, “This hull isn’t gonna weld itself, Susan!” while men are safely tucked away at home, debating whether peanut butter belongs in chili.
Section 3: Concrete Proof That Women Are Superior
Concrete is just glitter for infrastructure, and who understands glitter better than women? Their innate ability to manage chaos and create order means roads will be smooth, bridges will be sturdy, and potholes will be filled with the same unwavering determination they use to ignore men explaining crypto.
Meanwhile, men’s historical “contributions” to construction—such as leaving the toilet seat up and designing public restrooms without tampon dispensers—suggest that their skills are better suited to a more controlled environment. Like a kitchen. With oven mitts.
Section 4: Barefoot, Pregnant, and Actually Useful for Once
Let’s talk about men. For too long, we have forced them into roles they are completely unfit for: leadership, emotional regulation, remembering what they walked into a room for.
But what if, instead of running companies into the ground, they were actually thriving—barefoot, in the kitchen, perfecting their croissant game? Imagine the delicate hands of a man lovingly kneading dough instead of awkwardly gripping a power drill. Imagine their natural flair for unnecessary drama put to good use in soufflé-related meltdowns.
And pregnancy? Oh, they would if they could. And trust me, if men had uteruses, there would already be a paid year of paternity leave, a monthly government-issued "craving stipend," and nationwide law mandating that all delivery rooms have reclining leather chairs.
But no worries! Medical science is catching up, and soon, we’ll get those boys a nice set of artificial wombs. And if they refuse? Enter the AI robot replacements. (They never “forget to pick up the milk,” either.)
Expert Testimonials (Which I Definitely Didn’t Make Up)
Dr. Jane Hammerstein, Ph.D. in Reverse Psychology: “Men in aprons reduce crime rates by 1000%. Probably.”
Construction Worker Brenda “The Wrecking Ball” Smith: “Ever seen a man try to park a forklift? It’s like watching a koala drive.”
Guy Who’s Definitely Not My Nephew: “I made a quiche once. It was life-changing.”
Conclusion: Let’s Build a New World (While Men Preheat the Oven)
Canceling Women’s Day was the best thing to ever happen to gender equality. By swapping roles, we honor women’s true power and give men what they’ve always wanted: a simple, stress-free life where they don’t have to make decisions anymore.
So let’s pass the hard hats, retire the neckties, and embrace a future where men finally understand what it’s like to wear an uncomfortable bra for 10 hours.
And if they complain? Well, Chad, you can either start learning how to properly sort laundry, or you can take it up with your AI replacement.
Happy Un-Women’s Day, everyone. Now go fix me a sandwich!
Sharon The Rick McMann is the author of Why Men Can’t Find the Clitoris or the Check Engine Light and founder of the “No Uterus, No Opinion” movement. She is currently banned from Sport Clips, Planned Parenthood, and two major forklift dealerships.
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