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North Pole Hit by Mass “Quiet Firing” as Santa Outsources Toys to Amazon Fulfillment Centers

North Pole Hit by Mass “Quiet Firing” as Santa Outsources Toys to Amazon Fulfillment Centers

North Pole Hit by Mass “Quiet Firing” as Santa Outsources Toys to Amazon Fulfillment Centers

Dec 2, 20252 min read

Tariffs Restore Black Friday’s Original Purpose: Mortal Combat Over Scarce Goods

Tariffs Restore Black Friday’s Original Purpose: Mortal Combat Over Scarce Goods

Tariffs Restore Black Friday’s Original Purpose: Mortal Combat Over Scarce Goods

Nov 27, 20252 min read

Thanksgiving Canceled After Dad Discovers Native Americans Also Had Dysfunctional Families

Thanksgiving Canceled After Dad Discovers Native Americans Also Had Dysfunctional Families

Thanksgiving Canceled After Dad Discovers Native Americans Also Had Dysfunctional Families

Nov 26, 20252 min read

Woman’s 47-Minute Text Draft Declared “Domestic Terrorism” by Joint Chiefs

Woman’s 47-Minute Text Draft Declared “Domestic Terrorism” by Joint Chiefs

Woman’s 47-Minute Text Draft Declared “Domestic Terrorism” by Joint Chiefs

An Industry Insider

Nov 25, 20252 min read

White Dad Tormented by Guilt, Hunts “Decolonized” Leaf Blower So Wife’s Sleepover Friend Reggie Can Nap Without Microaggressions

White Dad Tormented by Guilt, Hunts “Decolonized” Leaf Blower So Wife’s Sleepover Friend Reggie Can Nap Without Microaggressions

White Dad Tormented by Guilt, Hunts “Decolonized” Leaf Blower So Wife’s Sleepover Friend Reggie Can Nap Without Microaggressions

Nov 24, 20251 min read

“Let’s Just See Where the Night Takes Us” Leads Gen Z Friends to Argue in Albuquerque Walmart Parking Lot for 45 Minutes

“Let’s Just See Where the Night Takes Us” Leads Gen Z Friends to Argue in Albuquerque Walmart Parking Lot for 45 Minutes

“Let’s Just See Where the Night Takes Us” Leads Gen Z Friends to Argue in Albuquerque Walmart Parking Lot for 45 Minutes

Nov 12, 20253 min read

No, Linked In, I Don’t Want to Follow Bill Gates.

No, Linked In, I Don’t Want to Follow Bill Gates.

No, Linked In, I Don’t Want to Follow Bill Gates.

Oct 17, 20252 min read

Degenerate Prop Bets

Degenerate Prop Bets

Degenerate Prop Bets: Which NFL Mascot Will Start a Brawl First?

An Industry Insider

Oct 2, 20255 min read

Death Finally Becomes Something to Look Forward To as Ghanaians Embrace Outrageous Fantasy Coffins

Death Finally Becomes Something to Look Forward To as Ghanaians Embrace Outrageous Fantasy Coffins

Death Finally Becomes Something to Look Forward To as Ghanaians Embrace Outrageous Fantasy Coffins

Oct 1, 20253 min read

Mini-Bar Madness: How Skip Honcho Turned a Hotel Room into a Liquor-Fueled Thunderdome

Mini-Bar Madness: How Skip Honcho Turned a Hotel Room into a Liquor-Fueled Thunderdome

Mini-Bar Madness: How Skip Honcho Turned a Hotel Room into a Liquor-Fueled Thunderdome

Sep 25, 20253 min read

BREAKING NEWS: Tiffany Fong’s Elbow Crushes Jimmy Kimmel’s Ratings—Disney is still acting retarded.

BREAKING NEWS: Tiffany Fong’s Elbow Crushes Jimmy Kimmel’s Ratings—Disney is still acting retarded.

BREAKING NEWS: Tiffany Fong’s Elbow Crushes Jimmy Kimmel’s Ratings—Disney is still acting retarded.

Sep 24, 20253 min read

The Indiana Fever’s Secret Weapon: Friendship (and Possibly Magic)

The Indiana Fever’s Secret Weapon: Friendship (and Possibly Magic)

The Indiana Fever’s Secret Weapon: Friendship (and Possibly Magic)

Veronica Vaugh Sandler II

Sep 23, 20252 min read

A Working Man: The Citizen Kane of Guys Who Kill People with Rebar

A Working Man: The Citizen Kane of Guys Who Kill People with Rebar

A Working Man: The Citizen Kane of Guys Who Kill People with Rebar

An Industry Insider

Sep 21, 20253 min read

Testosterone Is the Answer, and Frankly, Civilization Has Been Too Low-T for Centuries

Testosterone Is the Answer, and Frankly, Civilization Has Been Too Low-T for Centuries

Testosterone Is the Answer, and Frankly, Civilization Has Been Too Low-T for Centuries

Thaddeus Steelcroft

Sep 19, 20253 min read

BREAKING: Bradley Cooper Masters the Art of Multitasking, Prioritizes Eagles Over Date Night

BREAKING: Bradley Cooper Masters the Art of Multitasking, Prioritizes Eagles Over Date Night

BREAKING: Bradley Cooper Masters the Art of Multitasking, Prioritizes Eagles Over Date Night

Veronica Vaugh Sandler II

Sep 18, 20252 min read

Wet Floor Signs: The Gladiator Arena of Home Depot

Wet Floor Signs: The Gladiator Arena of Home Depot

Wet Floor Signs: The Gladiator Arena of Home Depot

Sep 17, 20252 min read

DEVELON Critics Fear Summons the Devil

DEVELON Critics Fear Summons the Devil

DEVELON Critics Fear Summons the Devil

An Industry Insider

Sep 16, 20253 min read

Robert Redford Rides Into the Great Beyond

Robert Redford Rides Into the Great Beyond

Sun Sets on Sundance: Robert Redford Rides Into the Great Beyond

Sep 16, 20252 min read

The Left Thigh Conspiracy: Why Every Woman Gets One Giant Tattoo There (and Why It’s Stupid)

The Left Thigh Conspiracy: Why Every Woman Gets One Giant Tattoo There (and Why It’s Stupid)

The Left Thigh Conspiracy: Why Every Woman Gets One Giant Tattoo There (and Why It’s Stupid)

Sep 12, 20255 min read

Milwaukee Employee

Milwaukee Employee

Milwaukee Employee Accidentally Becomes Nation’s 17th Largest Tool Distributor After Stealing $1M Worth of Wrenches

Sep 2, 20252 min read

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