Milwaukee Employee Accidentally Becomes Nation’s 17th Largest Tool Distributor After Stealing $1M Worth of Wrenches

Tool Worker

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“More than 100 orders, valued at $1.09 million, were shipped directly to the employee’s home, instantly making his one-bedroom apartment the second-largest Milwaukee Tool showroom in the Midwest.”

BROOKFIELD, WI — Local investigators revealed this week that a Milwaukee Tool employee allegedly stole more than $1 million in equipment by secretly shipping pallets of drills, saws, and socket sets directly to his apartment, effectively making him the 17th largest tool supplier in the United States.

Authorities say the man orchestrated over 115 fraudulent orders, receiving roughly 9,000 pounds of power tools between March 2024 and March 2025. Neighbors said they first became suspicious when a UPS driver collapsed in their hallway muttering, “No man needs this many impact wrenches.”

According to internal estimates, 87% of all missing tools in North America can now be traced directly to a single Wisconsin basement. “We haven’t seen a private arsenal of tools this large since Home Depot accidentally left a store unlocked in 1999,” said FBI agent Carl Henson.

Stealing $1M: Milwaukee Tool fired the worker for “abuse of the employee purchase program,” though insiders noted he had essentially outperformed the company’s entire Midwest sales division. “He moved more product out of his one-bedroom apartment than our entire Ohio regional office,” admitted one embarrassed executive.

The scheme was uncovered only when the shipping company raised alarms. “When he ordered his 10th forklift in a single week, we knew something was up,” said a FedEx spokesperson. “And by ‘something,’ I mean we were worried he was starting his own sovereign nation built entirely out of ratchet sets.”

While the employee has yet to be charged, local police are reportedly preparing for “the most complicated garage sale sting operation in U.S. history.”

Investigators also suspect nearby businesses may have helped him transport shipments. Witnesses reported seeing “a suspicious convoy of minivans sagging under the weight of industrial saws.”

The scandal casts a shadow over Milwaukee Tool’s 100th anniversary. Still, the company struck an optimistic tone. “This hurts our reputation,” said a spokesperson. “But at least we can confirm the old saying: give one man enough drills, and he really can build Rome in a day—twice, with leftovers.”

At press time, the accused was reportedly seen trying to pawn off 400 identical cordless impact drivers on Facebook Marketplace under the listing: “Lightly Used, Don’t Ask Questions.”