ICE Raids Leave Construction Industry in Panic—Contractors Now Begging for Undocumented Jesus to Come Back.

Wait Ice Not our Guys

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Jesus arrested for doing hard work. Not in this Country!

MOBILE, AL — ICE Raids turn construction sites into piles of exposed wood and iron, GOP contractors sob: ‘ Ice, we didn’t mean our immigrants!’

In a plot twist dumber than a bag of used band aids, ICE raids are grinding construction sites to a halt, leaving red-blooded, Trump-loving contractors staring at empty lots and muttering, “Wait, we needed those guys to actually build stuff?” “We Were Just Cheering for the Wall, Not for This!”

Robby Robertson, a hardhat-wearing, sweet-tea-sipping superintendent in Alabama, gazes at his 84,000-square-foot recreation center like it’s a sandcastle after a toddler tantrum. The $20 million project was cruising toward a November finish until an ICE raid in Florida, 230 miles away, spooked his crew faster than a ghost in a porta-potty. Now, it’s three weeks behind, and Robby’s dreams are sinking like a bad foundation. “I was all for ‘law and order,’” Robby whines, kicking a stray bolt. “But I didn’t think ICE would yeet my roofers into next week!”

His 22-man roofing squad is down to 12, and the unfinished roof is catching more rain than a bucket in a hurricane. Alabama’s storms turn the site into a kiddie pool every afternoon perfect for ducks, terrible for drywall.

Trump’s Genius Plan: Deport the Guys Holding the Hammers. ICE RAIDS

ICE RAIDS: The construction biz, which runs on immigrant sweat like a car runs on gas, is having a collective meltdown. GOP-voting contractors are learning the hard way that native-born Americans aren’t exactly fighting to sling concrete in 100-degree heat for the price of a Starbucks latte.

Jim Tobin, CEO of the National Association of Home Builders, throws his hands up: “We screamed ‘Build the Wall!’ at rallies, but forgot to whisper, ‘After you finish my subdivision!’” His 140,000 members are now googling “how to build a house with vibes and patriotism.”

ICE: “We’re Saving the Economy by Setting It on Fire!”

"No working for you gents, we don't care if your building a wall, you gotta go!" - Ice Agent 1233H

The Department of Homeland Security, which apparently moonlights as a comedy troupe, insists the raids are “protecting workers” from exploitation. Spokeswoman Tricia McLaughlin, probably typing from a bunker full of confiscated hardhats, says, “Worksite enforcement is our sacred duty to… uh… make sure no one lays a brick without a 47-page background check!”

Meanwhile, job sites look like abandoned movie sets for The Great American Ghost Town. Remaining workers are demanding “hazard pay” to dodge ICE vans, jacking daily rates from $200 to $500.

“It’s like paying a surgeon to pour cement,” one contractor moans, “except the surgeon might actually show up.”

Contractors Beg: “Can We Keep Our Workers? Pretty Please?”

Desperate builders stormed D.C., waving blueprints and begging for temporary work permits.

Republicans in Congress, allergic to anything resembling common sense, shot it down faster than you can say “amnesty.” “Legalizing workers? That’s woke nonsense!” they bellowed, then went back to wondering why their new golf course is just a pile of dirt.

Brian Turmail of the Associated General Contractors of America sighs, “For 40 years, we’ve trained Americans to do nothing but scroll TikTok. Now we’re shocked they can’t frame a house?” He’s pretty sure ICE thinks a drywaller is just a guy who really likes Sheetrock memes. White House: “Just Watch a YouTube Tutorial, Duh!”

The Trump team’s big fix? An executive order to turn unemployed Americans into carpenters via “apprenticeships.” Because nothing screams “quality craftsmanship” like removing the video game controller from a random gen Z boy and handing him a nail gun and yelling, “Figure it out!”

White House spokeswoman Abigail Jackson chirps, “America’s got hands aplenty!”—ignoring that most of those hands are busy playing Call of Duty, not cutting plywood.

Florida Man: “I take it all back, Bring Back Jesus!”

In Tampa, contractor Brent Taylor’s crew is thinner than his patience. Half his workers are hiding in attics, and the rest are charging $500 a day to brave the ICE gauntlet.

“Jesus used to lay bricks for $200,” Brent cries, “Now he’s demanding hazard pay and a lawyer on speed dial!” Brent’s starting to think voting for “tough on immigration” was like voting for “tough on my paycheck.”

The Future:

Half-Built Houses and Full-Blown Regret With delays stacking up like unpaid bills, contractors face two choices: bribe ICE with a plate of ribs (rumors swirl it’s working), or pray Trump pardons their deported drywallers after the fact.

Costs are climbing faster than a politician’s ego, and GOP business owners are realizing “Make America Great Again” didn’t mean “Make My Construction Site a Sad Empty Lot.”

“I just wanted cheap labor and a MAGA hat,” sobs one Alabama contractor, staring at a pile of unused lumber.

“Now I’ve got no labor and a rec center that looks like a bad Minecraft build.”

Moral of the Story: Be Careful What You Vote For You might end up with a soggy, half-finished building and a newfound respect for the guys you thought you wanted gone.

This has been another episode of “Government Plans Backfire Hilariously.”

Next week: Why banning all imports means your grocery store only sells patriotism and sadness. 

Note: We at Hard Hat Kings wish this was 100% Satire but this is based on real news. The jokes are there but this is happening... God be with us All.