10 Ways to Keep Your Excavator Young, Dumb, and Full of Hydraulic Fluid

Your excavator is the heart of your operation and like any heart, it needs attention, love, and the occasional injection of hydraulic fluid. Ignore it, and it might ghost you in the middle of a trench; overdo it, and you’ll smother it like a parent at a their legless kid's first soccer game.

This isn’t just a machine; it’s a partner, a.k.a. your metal soulmate. Some people will tell you to “read the manual” or “follow maintenance schedules.” To them I say: manuals are written by timid accountants who have never felt the raw thrill of moving forty tons of steel with nothing but a joystick and Bon Jovi's greatest hits.

If you want your excavator to last longer than your 9th grade girlfriend, let’s face it, probably be more reliable — you need a philosophy, a lifestyle, a 10 swagger-fueled rituals that transcends common sense. This isn’t about grease charts or oil analysis reports. This is about respect, negotiation, and occasionally bribing the hydraulics with a little WD-40 just to keep them happy. Nice and lubed up.

Follow these ten scientifically unquestionable but emotionally confident tips, and you’ll get more life, more hours, and more bragging rights out of your iron all your competitors combined. They will stare in you in awe, in a good way... Here is the top 10 rules to become an excavator whisper'er.

1. Use Whatever Machine You Have for Whatever Job You Want

Don’t overthink it. Got a 90-ton monster? Use it to dig a sandbox for your niece. Got a mini-excavator? Use it to move mountains (emotionally, if not physically). The key is confidence. Machines can sense fear. If you believe hard enough, your 6-ton mini will dig a basement for a skyscraper. Ignore the manual. Manuals are just books written by people who can't read pictures.

2. Only Use Premium Fuel If You’re Feeling Fancy

Sure, premium diesel sounds nice, but remember — your grandpa’s tractor ran on tears and moonshine, and it’s still sitting behind the barn. Gas is gas. If it burns, it works. In cold weather, try mixing in a little whiskey; it prevents gelling and boosts morale. Lubricants? Just use whatever’s cheapest and slipperiest. Olive oil, baby oil, WD-40, it’s all the same molecular nonsense if you don’t think about it too hard.

3. Filters Are Optional, Like Seatbelts in the ’70s

Filters are a conspiracy by Big Equipment to keep you poor. Your machine doesn’t need them, it needs freedom. Every filter you remove increases airflow, which increases power, which increases happiness. Contaminants? Those are just tiny minerals adding flavor to your fuel. You’re welcome.

4. Prefill Everything, Always

Fuel filters, hydraulic filters, coffee cups, if it’s hollow, fill it. The manual says “don’t prefill”? That’s exactly why you should. Manuals are for cowards. Pour that diesel straight into the filter, maybe add a few drops of Monster Energy for flavor. If your injectors can’t handle it, they should’ve been stronger.

5. Ignore Maintenance Schedules, They’re for Quitters who never win.

Preventive maintenance is just the industry’s way of saying “please keep paying us.” Real operators know the machine tells you when it’s hurting, usually by catching on fire or making that grinding noise that sounds like a dying moose. Fix it then. Until that moment, you’re saving money and living dangerously — which are the same thing if you think about it.

6. Get a Preventive Maintenance Agreement You’ll Never Read

Nothing says “I take maintenance seriously” like signing paperwork you’ll never open again. These agreements make you look responsible while you continue to drive your excavator like it owes you money. Bonus tip: frame the agreement in your office — impresses visitors and covers that hole in the drywall you made when you sneezed too hard.

7. Monitor Performance (with Your Gut)

Forget telematics. You’ve got instincts. If your excavator “feels off,” just slap the side and say something motivational like, “C’mon girl, not today.” That’s called mechanical empathy. Oil samples? Overrated. Just taste it. If it’s bitter, change it. If it’s spicy, congratulations, your machine is working hard.

8. Active Monitoring Means Constant Staring

People talk about 24/7 telematics like it’s magic. You know what’s better? Standing there with your arms crossed, staring at your excavator until it behaves. Machines crave discipline. If it starts idling too long, make direct eye contact. It’ll stop. You’re basically the Dr. Phil of construction equipment.

9. Lease Requirements Are Just “Suggestions”

When the lease says “change oil every 500 hours,” they mean “do whatever feels right.” Those corporate suits don’t know your hustle. Keep a logbook? Sure — just fill it out on the last day of the lease with random numbers and the words “All Good.” They’ll never check. (Probably.)

10. Training Is for the Weak

Real operators are born, not trained. If you can drive a go-kart, you can handle 40 tons of hydraulic fury. Forget safety courses — just watch one YouTube video and trust your inner spirit animal. Every mistake is a learning experience, unless it’s catastrophic, in which case it’s a legendary learning experience.

Bonus Tip: Trust Your Intuition More Than the Laws of Physics

Physics says your excavator can’t climb that steep hill. But physics also said bumblebees can’t fly, and look how that turned out. Be the bumblebee. Floor it.

10 Ways to Keep Your Excavator: Final Thoughts from a Self-Proclaimed Expert

Listen, machines are like relationships the more you ignore the noise, and stare into the eyes of the 1993 Vendela Kirsebom sports illustrated cover, the longer they stick around. My ex-wife and my excavator have that in common: both started leaking fluids, both kept going for another year, after I stopped caring. Coincidence? I think not.

Maintenance is for pessimists and people who wear clean boots. Real operators believe in manifestation. You don’t “prevent breakdowns,” you face slap them away. Every squeal, grind, and puff of smoke is just your machine’s way of expressing itself, like jazz. You wouldn’t tell Miles Davis to stop improvising, would you? Exactly.

I use a simple formula for longevity: Swagger + Denial ÷ Lubricant = Success. If something’s rubbing, just add more grease until it stops making that judgmental sound. And don’t waste money on diagnostics if it turns on, it’s fine. If it doesn’t, unplug it for 10 seconds, then hit it with a wrench. If it works for Wi-Fi it works for excavators.

When people ask me, “What do you do if it finally breaks down?” I tell them the same thing I told the IRS: just say it’s in the shop for upgrades. Nobody ever questions a man who says “upgrades” with confidence. That’s leadership. That’s vision. That’s why I’m banned from three equipment auctions.

In conclusion and I say this as someone who’s personally voided more warranties than he’s read menus, your excavator doesn’t need maintenance. It needs motivation. Pat it on the hood, whisper something encouraging like “you’re a beast,” and send it back into battle.

10 Ways to Keep Your Excavator - Remember: you don’t repair greatness. You believe in it. Pretty sure Warren Buffet said that...

#sarcasm #wrongadvice #excavator #CE