Netflix Announces New Algorithm That Automatically Judges You for Not Finishing Shows You Said You’d Finish in 2018

Netflix Announc

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LOS GATOS, CA — Netflix announced Tuesday that it has implemented a groundbreaking new algorithm designed to silently shame users for abandoning shows mid-binge, particularly those they promised themselves they’d finish years ago.

Dubbed “JudgyNet,” the system scans individual watch histories and sends subtle notifications, such as: “We noticed you haven’t finished Stranger Things Season 2 since 2018. Did Hopper give up on you too?” or “You still haven’t watched Bridgerton Season 1 finale. Are you okay?”

“This is a natural evolution of streaming,” said Netflix spokesperson Lauren Periwinkle, sipping from a coffee mug that read ‘I Judge Too.’ “People make big promises in 2018 to finally binge The Crown, Ozark, or The Umbrella Academy, and then life happens. Now, our algorithm makes sure those promises haunt them for eternity.”

Social media users quickly reported feelings of panic and guilt.

“I opened Netflix and it literally said, ‘We see you still haven’t finished The Witcher. Do you even care about Geralt?’” tweeted one user. “I felt personally attacked. I don’t even LIKE Geralt that much.”

JudgyNet reportedly gets more aggressive if it detects repeated pattern of avoidance. For instance, if a user bails on Stranger Things again, the algorithm may respond with messages like: “Really? You’re abandoning Eleven again? We’re disappointed in your life choices.”

Some users have attempted to outsmart the system by clicking “Continue Watching” without actually watching episodes, but JudgyNet is reportedly smart enough to detect the difference between passive scrolling and genuine engagement.

“It’s basically Big Brother, but with worse taste in snacks,” said streaming analyst Jeremy Holt.

Netflix executives insist the feature is meant to “encourage accountability” rather than induce shame, although early beta testers report experiencing extreme guilt and spontaneous tears.

“I was planning to watch Bridgerton someday,” said one test user. “Now I feel like I’ve personally betrayed the entire Bridgerton family. Netflix, why are you like this?”

At press time, JudgyNet had also begun sending push notifications reminding users that they never finished Tiger King and, shockingly, that they abandoned 13 Reasons Why halfway through Season 2.

Netflix did not comment on whether the algorithm would eventually start judging users for their taste in snacks or whether YOU personally were responsible for leaving shows unfinished in 2018.