Kubota Reports 65% Profit Increase, Executives Begin Important Discussion About Unicorn Furniture

Kubota North America's new executive chairs, made from real unicorn.

$220 Million Tariff Refund Has North American Executives Asking the Question Nobody in Accounting Was Prepared For: “How Are We Going to Spend This?”

Kubota has reported some very good news.

Actually, really good news.

Consolidated revenue for the first six months of 2026 increased 16.2% to approximately $10.7 billion.

Operating profit increased an impressive 64.7%, reaching approximately $1.5 billion.

North American revenue in its Farm & Industrial Machinery segment jumped 25% in the second quarter.

Construction equipment sales are up. Revenue is up. Profit is up. And then there is the little matter of the tariffs. You remember tariffs.

Those wonderful little things that were supposed to make everyone's lives more affordable, except when they didn't.

Kubota reported approximately $420 million in negative impact from U.S. tariffs on 2025 operating profit.

Another $150 million in tariff costs was expected in 2026.

But don't worry. There is good news. Kubota expects approximately $220 million in tariff refunds.

That's right. A refund.

Apparently, even tariffs eventually get tired of being tariffs and decide to become cash.

And that's where Hard Hat Kings began asking the important questions.

Kubota Reports 65% Profit Increase: What Did the Tariff Money Buy?

Now, before we continue, we want to be perfectly clear:

None of what follows can anyone prove it did not actually happen.

The Rumored Executive Chair Upgrade

The first problem was the chairs.

Apparently, ordinary leather was no longer appropriate for executives presiding over billions of dollars in revenue.

So the fictional committee approved new executive chairs.

Made from unicorn skin.

Not imitation unicorn skin.

Not vegan unicorn skin.

Actual unicorn skin.

The chairs were individually hand-stitched by artisans who were paid entirely in tariff refunds.

Each chair includes:

• Heated seating.

• Massage function.

• Refrigerated cup holder.

• Footrest.

• Built-in espresso machine.

• And a button labeled “Increase Operating Profit.”

Nobody knows what the button does. Nobody is permitted to touch it.

The White-Gold Executive Chains

Next came the jewelry. Because apparently making billions of dollars wasn't sufficient evidence that you were important. Each North American executive received a custom white-gold chain featuring his or her executive nickname.

Nothing says corporate humility quite like a solid white-gold necklace spelling out: BIG KUBOTA

or THE DEALER KING

or perhaps: TARIFF BOSSLADY

We imagine the chains weighed approximately as much as a compact excavator bucket. They were reportedly delivered in individual velvet cases.

Again: Entirely potentially not fictional.

Please don't send us angry emails. Then Someone Said:

“We need cars.”

Nobody knows who said it. Nobody asked. Apparently, the executive team needed transportation. So they bought Ferraris. Not one Ferrari.

Ferraris.

Because apparently the fastest way to celebrate North American construction equipment sales is to purchase Italian supercars that are completely impractical for visiting a muddy jobsite. But that wasn't enough.

The executives reportedly decided they needed to repaint the Ferraris. Not because they didn't like the original colors. Because they wanted to make a point.

A very expensive point.

This was allegedly inspired by an executive who had apparently referred to Ferrari ownership as “one of the poors.”

Which is a remarkable thing to say about a company whose least expensive vehicles cost more than many Americans' houses.

So the executives did what any reasonable corporate leadership team would do.

They bought the Ferraris. Then repainted them. Just to mock Ferrari.

Because apparently nothing says:

“We are financially responsible stewards of corporate resources”

Quite like spending millions of dollars to insult the manufacturer of your already unnecessary supercars.

The North American Tariff Refund Wellness Center

Of course, receiving $220 million unexpectedly can be stressful. Executives need somewhere to process their emotions. So a committee approved a $28 million Tariff Refund Wellness Center.

It includes:

• An infinity pool.

• A sauna.

• A massage room.

• A golf simulator.

• A private chef.

• A meditation garden.

• A cigar lounge.

• And a soundproof room where executives can scream:

“WE GOT THE REFUND!”

Without disturbing accounting.

Kubota Reports 65% Profit Increase: There is also a therapy room specifically for executives who accidentally looked at the tariff bill before looking at the refund.

Here's the Funny Part

Behind all of this ridiculousness is something considerably less ridiculous.

Kubota's actual numbers show just how important North America has become.

Farm & Industrial Machinery revenue increased 18.1% to approximately $9.5 billion. North American revenue in that segment increased 25%. Global construction equipment sales increased 36.4%.

And Kubota reportedly financed 6,862 new construction machines in the United States during the second quarter alone.

That's a lot of machines.

That's a lot of contractors.

That's a lot of payments.

And apparently... a lot of profit.

Kubota expects full-year consolidated revenue of approximately $20.7 billion and operating profit of approximately $2.5 billion.

That's not a rounding error. That's a serious amount of money.

Which Raises the Question:

If tariffs cost the industry hundreds of millions...

And companies raise prices...

And sales increase...

And profits increase...

And then hundreds of millions in tariff refunds come back...

Who exactly won this game?

The contractor?

The dealer?

The manufacturer?

The government?

The executive sitting on the unicorn chair wearing a white-gold chain?

The Ferrari dealership?

We're not saying.

We're just asking questions.

Hard Hat Kings is nothing if not committed to investigative journalism.

Mostly.

Congratulations, Kubota Seriously.

A 64.7% increase in operating profit is impressive.

A 25% increase in North American segment revenue is impressive.

A 36.4% increase in global construction equipment sales is impressive.

And a projected $2.5 billion in operating profit is, to put it mildly:

Not terrible.

So congratulations to Kubota.

The company appears to be selling more machines, generating more revenue and making considerably more money.

And somewhere, in our imagination, a North American executive is sitting in a unicorn-skin chair wearing a white-gold chain, drinking a $37 espresso while looking out the window at his freshly repainted Ferrari.

He looks at the spreadsheet.

It says:

TARIFF REFUND $220,000,000

He takes a sip.

He looks at the Ferrari.

He looks at the unicorn chair.

He looks at his white-gold necklace.

And finally he asks:

“Do we have enough left for another excavator?”

The accountant slowly removes his glasses.

“Sir.” “Yes?”

“We are a construction equipment company.”

Long pause.

“Oh.”

Hard Hat Kings' Official Recommendation

Spend the money wisely. Hire technicians. Train dealers.

Improve parts availability. Build inventory. Invest in manufacturing.

Support customers. Develop better technology. Lower equipment costs.

Build charging infrastructure.

Or, if you absolutely must...

Buy the unicorn chair. Just don't call Ferrari poor.

Because if you are going to spend millions of dollars buying Ferraris just to repaint them in a color Ferrari hates...

you might as well buy the Lamborghini, too.

Hard Hat Kings Note:

Financial Advice #1: We are not financial advisors. We are barely qualified to operate the coffee machine. Disclaimer: This article is satire. The unicorn furniture, white-gold chains, fictional executive nicknames, Ferrari purchases and Ferrari-mocking repainting are entirely fictional and are not claims about Kubota or its executives. The financial figures referenced above are based on the source material; the ridiculous spending decisions are the product of an extremely unhealthy imagination.