Wet Floor Signs: The Gladiator Arena of Home Depot

By Rich LeRoy, Construction Worker, Currently in Aisle 14 Looking for Nails.

WetFloors

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Is the Juice worth the squeeze? Almost always.

I went into Home Depot today with one simple mission: get nails. Just nails. A box of them, maybe two if I’m feeling fancy. But the universe had other plans. Because right there, next to the paint aisle, stood my old nemesis—the dreaded Wet Floor sign.

Now, some people see a bright yellow triangle and think, better avoid that. I see it as a personal challenge. Like Home Depot isn’t just selling lumber—it’s also running a low-budget Ninja Warrior course. I swear those signs are mocking me, whispering: “Go ahead, tough guy. You think you’re handy? Let’s see how you handle polished linoleum with a thin film of mystery mop water.”

Here’s the thing: as a construction worker, I walk rebar scaffolding in steel-toe boots during high winds. I’ve carried drywall sheets heavier than my uncle’s second wife. But put me in front of a wet floor at Home Depot, and suddenly I’m an Olympic figure skater auditioning for Disney on Ice.

I tried to walk around the puddle today. That lasted three seconds before the voice in my head said: What would your grandfather think if you dodged a simple wet floor? He built a barn in the snow with nothing but chewing tobacco and rage. Walk through it, coward.

So, I went for it. One step. Then another. My boot slipped just enough to remind me I’m not twenty anymore. For half a second, I saw the headline:“Local Man Hospitalized After Wet Floor Heroics: Nails Still at Large.”

And the worst part? Nobody else cared. People just walked by like I wasn’t risking my ACL for pride and honor. A woman with a cart full of begonias gave me the look you give a dog when it eats crayons.

In the end, I made it across. Victory was mine. The floor was wet, but my spirit was dry—dry and filled with spite. Did I get my nails? No. I forgot them completely. I left with a $39 shop vac and three beef jerky sticks. But I walked through that puddle, and that’s what matters.

So here’s my PSA: Wet Floor signs aren’t warnings. They’re invitations. And as long as I’ve got steel toes and bad judgment, I’ll keep answering the call.

Update: Rich LeRoy broke his neck 2 days before this released, he is currently in a morque in Florida.