Senator Wiener Blames Big Oil for Everything Short of Your Uncle’s Bad BBQ Decisions

Weiners

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Senator Scott Wiener.

In an astonishing turn of events, San Francisco voters have proven once again that they march to the beat of a different drumstick—or, in this case, hotdog bun. Senator Scott Wiener, the anthropomorphic sausage himself, has introduced Senate Bill 222, hilariously titled the “Affordable Insurance and Climate Recovery Act.” Yes, folks, a literal walking hotdog is here to solve climate change.

Speaking with the gravitas of someone who just discovered the phrase "Big Oil boogeyman," Wiener declared that California’s wildfires, floods, mudslides, and possibly the bad vibes at your last family reunion are all thanks to the fossil fuel industry. “These climate-fueled disasters are causing all kinds of harm,” Wiener stated, apparently forgetting the role of, oh, I don’t know, actual state policies and decades of questionable forest management.

Things took a strange turn at his press conference, however, when a flock of seagulls and a surprisingly aggressive badger began pecking and clawing at him mid-speech, perhaps drawn to his grill-marked exterior. As if that weren’t enough, world-famous YouTube professional eater Randy Santel set up a tripod nearby and began filming, attempting to break his personal record for consuming a sentient hotdog. The situation only de-escalated when Secret Service agents stepped in to inform Santel that Wiener was, in fact, not just a meal but a fully sentient legislative sausage.

Senator Wiener Blames Big Oil :A Wiener’s Grand Plan

Wiener’s bill proposes to hold Big Oil accountable for every natural disaster including the fictional movie Sharknado. His vision? Allow Californians to sue oil companies for damages caused by rain, sleet, wind, mudslides, bad shrimp cocktails, and presumably your neighbor’s terrible landscaping choices. If you’re wondering how Sees Candy isn’t also on the hook for obesity or Taco Bell for “digestive disasters,” you’re not alone.

Wieners Parents were actually accountants that dressed as clowns because they were trying to keep San Francisco weird.

When asked who currently pays for climate disasters, Wiener didn’t mince words: “It’s us! Taxpayers and insurance policyholders!” (Cue dramatic music.) The idea is to pit insurance companies against oil companies, which sounds a lot like throwing a raccoon into a snake pit and rooting for the raccoon.

The Real Wieners in This Scenario

Critics, including the Western States Petroleum Association and people with common sense, were quick to point out the flaws in Wiener’s plan. A spokesperson quipped, “Every day, people like Sen. Wiener rely on gasoline-powered cars, even as they wag their fingers at the industry that keeps their lattes delivered.” The California Independent Petroleum Association chimed in, reminding everyone that wildfires are often caused by arsonists, poorly maintained utility lines, and a state fire policy that treats underbrush like a treasured houseplant.

Meanwhile, a coalition of 1,600 scientists (yes, actual scientists—not your cousin Steve with the Twitter Ph.D.) has publicly stated there is “no climate crisis.” They pointed out that California’s annual rainfall has been as unpredictable as Senator Wiener’s political stunts.

A Hotdog’s Final Act

Let’s not ignore the true genius of Wiener’s bill: it’s a distraction. While he wags his finger at Big Oil, no one is paying attention to California’s botched forest management, water mismanagement, or policies that prioritize fish over farms. The state's environmental laws have prevented basic fire prevention measures like controlled burns, leaving Californians to wonder: Is it really climate change, or just a case of politicians making the forest equivalent of a hoarder’s garage?

One observer joked, “What’s next? A bill blaming delivery drones for air pollution? Maybe lawsuits against clouds for inconsistency?”

Whether SB 222 gains traction remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure: Senator Wiener is cooking up a lot more than hot air. California, we await your next act.

Senator Wiener Blames Big Oil, but we may blame senator Wiener for being a Wiener.

#TrueStory #sausage #politics #saynotowieners