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BREAKING: Grandma Declares War on Siemens After Hearing Company Name Once, Refuses To Google Anything
- Veronica Vaugh Sandler II
- Jul 5
- 4 min read
3,700 “Women’s Empowerment Warriors” Join the Fight Before Reality Can Intervene
It began as the kind of corporate announcement nobody reads unless they’re an employee, a shareholder, or a influencer assigned to post it on LinkedIn before immediately returning to actual work before someone schedules another meeting about “synergy.”
Last week, Siemens recognized Plano, Texas-based PROLIM as its 2026 Small Business Supplier of the Year for innovation, PLM excellence, and digital transformation. Thirty-seven minutes later, 73-year-old Evelyn Abernathy launched what experts are calling the fastest-growing linguistic misunderstanding in modern industrial history.
“I refuse to stand by while globalists give awards to… that,” she announced via shaky Facebook Live from a Hobby Lobby parking lot.
She had misheard “Siemens.”
She never recovered. Neither did reality.
The Sisterhood Of Stupid Causes Assembles
Within four hours, the Facebook group “Women Against Siemens” exploded to 3,700 members. Every single one identified as a “Women’s Empowerment Warrior.”
An internal poll delivered the following:
41% believed Siemens was in the reproductive health industry. Mocking women and those that identify as a women.
27% assumed it was a predatory pharmaceutical conglomerate.
19% declared: “I don’t know what it is, but my gut tells me to be deeply offended.”
13% admitted they had no idea what was going on but “the comment section was rolling.”
One top fan nailed the mission:
“I don’t really know what a PROLIM digital thread is, and I don’t care. But I support women ”
The post was shared 4,700 times by people who also had zero understanding of industrial cloud infrastructure.
Corporate America Responds (Poorly)
Siemens replied with a calm, heavily-vetted statement and attached a 47-page PDF titled “What Siemens Actually Does: Please Read This Before Destroying Our Global Brand Equity.”
The Coalition called it “a defensive, patriarchal smokescreen” and specifically objected to page one, which read:
“Hello, We Are an Engineering Firm. Not That…”
When Siemens mentioned medical imaging equipment, the group flooded their page with 11,000 eggplant emojis and a 62-page manifesto titled
“Why Pronunciation Is Manspaining and Violence Against Women.”
LinkedIn Makes Everything Worse
B2B thought leaders smelled blood:
One posted:
“I have never worked with Siemens. I have never met anyone at Siemens. But as a CEO, mother of three, and disruptive thought leader and the head of the Antonio Banderas fan club; I feel justified to address the Siemens situation.”
She listed “Thought Leadership” as her current employer.
Siemens: Congress Gets Involved (Because of Course It Does)
Three lawmakers demanded hearings. One senator opened with:
“So… how long has your firm been cornering the international semen market and what type do you sell?”
The senator’s office later clarified he had “not reviewed the facts but had read several highly upvoted Facebook comments.”
The Siemens rep stared for fourteen seconds, exactly long enough for the corporate lawyer to whisper, “We should have just ignored Facebook.”
Meanwhile, PROLIM Just Wanted a Trophy.
The team posted a victory photo. Marketing celebrated their biggest traffic day ever… until they realized 99% of the clicks came from people who hated them for no reason.
Grandma Refuses To Back Down
When a local reporter asked if she now understood Siemens was a 170-year-old German engineering company, Mrs. Abernathy stood proudly outside the Hobby Lobby — fresh purple hair, a homemade glitter-covered T-shirt that read “Semens knows!” in rhinestones, and a bullhorn bought during an Amazon Prime haze.
She nodded with the confidence of someone who had watched three Facebook videos about herself.
“I know what they claim they are.”
The reporter asked what she believed they actually were. Mrs. Abernathy leaned closer.
“Exactly what they don’t want you investigating.”
She then announced the next protest would be Thursday at the Panera Bread on Route 9.
When told Panera had zero connection to Siemens, she smiled the smile of someone who just found a classified file folder.
“Oh sweetie… that’s exactly what they want you to think.”
“Who exactly is ‘they’?” the reporter asked.
Mrs. Abernathy’s eyes widened.
“Exactly.”
At that moment, a seven-foot-wingspan harpy eagle visiting from Portland swooped down, grabbed her by the rhinestone T-shirt, and carried her into the sky.
She didn’t scream. She raised her bullhorn and shouted:“THIS PROVES EVERYTHING!”
The eagle paused mid-flight, looked down at the sparkling conspiracy garment, visibly reconsidered its life choices, and kept flying north.
Journalists applauded. A Hobby Lobby employee summed it up best:
“Honestly? We were just glad she wasn’t asking us for directions to Siemens hq.”
The harpy eagle has not commented. Sources confirm, however, that it did return to portland.
Hard Hat Kings Fact Check
Siemens really did recognize PROLIM as Small Business Supplier of the Year 2026. Everything after that was 100% manufactured in America by people who skipped the blueprint, ignored the safety meeting, and poured raw outrage directly into a foundation that didn’t exist. Our Verdict: Turn off the computer, read the spec sheets, and stop protesting the people who make the components for your local power grid. You like charging your phone and enjoy lights? Exactly.
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