BREAKING: Cat Announces “Thunderdome at CONEXPO,” Promises “Sick Kids Vs Roid Rage".

Thunderdome

0:00

"An accurate portrayal of what will happen at ConExpo 2026." - VP of CATS.

LAS VEGAS – In a move that has shocked precisely no one in the heavy equipment industry, Cat unveiled its latest brand extension today: Thunderdome, a “fully immersive operational experience” coming to CONEXPO 2026. According to a press release written in what can only be described as “dystopian marketing bro,” the event will feature “real-world problem-solving scenarios.”

Sources close to the skid-steer product management, however, reveal the truth: Thunderdome is less “operator efficiency seminar” and more “post-apocalyptic gladiatorial spectacle.”

“Two machines enter, one machine leaves… eventually. After we check the warranty,” said a meowing executive, allegedly wearing a leather harness made entirely of old fan belts. “It’s about testing our equipment in the most extreme, liability-waived environments imaginable.”

The main event, however, is what’s drawing both cheers and concerned calls from child services. Rumor has it the headline matchup will pit Make-A-Wish kids in 3-ton mini-excavators against Roided-out men armed with nothing but proprietary brand sledges.

“Look, little Timmy’s wish wasn’t just to see an excavator,” explained Make-A-Wish spokesperson, Anya Bidness. “His exact words were, ‘I wish I could use one to crush a giant, arrogant man who skipped leg day.’ "The kid is done on earth, so were simply fulfilling wishes. Plus cat provided a 0% financing wish-fulfillment package we couldn’t refuse.”

The steroid-enhanced competitors, reportedly recruited from gyms where grunting is the primary language, seem undaunted. “They gave me a free ‘I Dig Cat’ tank top and a $20 gift card off their new protein powder,” said Bulk Vander, flexing a quad that has its own area code.

“I can take a kid in a $250,000 machine. My spirit animal is a Dragon with crones disease, a natural hydraulic fluid leak.”

In a twist that has raised more eyebrows than the actual deathmatches, The company has partnered with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to handle event security and audience compliance.

“We take safety and legal compliance very seriously,” the executive stated, while a diagram behind him showed an ICE agent checking a passport mid-scream at a Buckee's gas station.

“Only U.S. citizens will be permitted to witness this raw, unfiltered display of American industrial might and bizarre philanthropic violence. It’s about patriotism… and selling extended service plans, however I think the gladiators are all from a ICE concentration camp.”

The event schedule also includes:

“Skid-Steer Sumo”: Competitors attempt to push each other out of a tiny ring while operators are actively scalding themselves with bad coffee.

“The Parts Counter Gauntlet”: A simple request for a specific O-ring turns into a three-hour odyssey of incorrect part numbers and existential dread complete with a 6 week waiting period.

“Grade-Off!”: A sudden, inexplicable precision grading competition that will put everyone to sleep, serving as a calm interlude between bouts of mechanized horror.

Legal analysts are baffled. “This seems… not okay,” murmured one, before being handed a free Cat beanie and immediately changing his tune. “I mean, the merchandising opportunities are incredible.”

Tickets for the Thunderdome at ConExpo are sold out, but you can watch the livestream exclusively on a proprietary app that requires a biometric blood oath and access to your excavator’s telematics data.

Cat Announces “Thunderdome at CONEXPO. #cat #conexpo #aem #construction