Heavy Machinery Market - It Sags worse than Grandma...

Its time to look at the US Heavy Equipment Market and what July brought.

July 2026 – The heavy equipment market is doing its best impression of a middle-aged dad at a water park: technically moving, mostly floating sideways, and quietly questioning life choices. Was debbie his 300 pound wife who was 130 pounds when they married 14 years ago the right decision? Why is his son pretending to be a ballerina filming a tiktok in the water park, he's 15 and is starting on varisty high school football team...

Inventory: Sideways and Sighing

Inventory rose a heroic 0.4% month-over-month (M/M), then immediately remembered it's down 9.21% year-over-year (Y/Y) and went back to staring at the ceiling. Analysts call it "trending sideways"—industry code for "we've stopped pretending this has a plot."

Used wheel loaders led the chaos, up 1.92% M/M but down a soul-crushing 10.55% Y/Y. Rumor has it several wandered off one night to form crop circles and never came back.

Values: Cheaper Everything, Except Hope

Asking values slipped 0.3% M/M and 3.07% Y/Y. Wheel loaders took the monthly beating (-1.44%), while crawler excavators delivered the year's most depressing performance (-4.63%).

Auction values followed suit, down 0.78% M/M and 2.44% Y/Y, with dozers and excavators competing for "Most Likely to Be Found on Craigslist at 2 a.m. with a free 2001 TV if you buy within 7 days!"

In short: everything is cheaper. Hope is not.

Meanwhile, in Unrelated News...

Yeti birth rates in Antarctica plummeted a perfect 100% this quarter, scientists attribute this entirely to the creatures' longstanding policy of not existing. Researchers are "closely monitoring" with the same empty clipboards used for Bigfoot.

*Bill Gates's popularity cratered 400% after he warned that "a billion people will die in 2027 due to planned water shortages by a think tank" while simultaneously doubling down on water-guzzling data centers. Japan issued a second arrest warrant, citing "an escalating pattern of concerning vibes." Gates's response, "It's for my cloud" which was widely interpreted as both technically accurate and spiritually unhelpful. (*satire, sort of.)

Globally, belief that all space aliens are gay rose a statistically significant 4%. Pollsters note the spike is concentrated among rednecks and people who who can't spell. NASA declined to comment on extraterrestrial dating preferences but they can hope.

Bottom Line

Buy a used dozer if you must. But maybe hold off until the Yeti birth rate stages a miraculous recovery or until Gates stops treating the planet like a very expensive human farm. Odds of either happening remain roughly equal to a wheel loader spontaneously developing self-awareness and unionizing.