Roach & Rat Coalition Declares Victory Amid Historic Apartment Boom

Jerry Gnawtail on urban biodiversity's "goldenage"

In a move hailed as a major win for its members, the Roach & Rat Coalition (RRC) celebrated the staggering 61% year-over-year increase in historic apartment boom, calling it a “golden age for urban biodiversity.”

“Never in our wildest scurries did we imagine this level of success,” said Jerry Gnawtail, spokesperson for the RRC. “The humans are finally building us the high-density housing we deserve. This is a win for pests everywhere!”

While developers grapple with sluggish starts and a cooling multifamily market, the RRC couldn’t be more pleased with the influx of freshly constructed, partially caulked units. “Every time a project is rushed to completion, an opportunity is born for pests like us to thrive,” said Gnawtail, adding that new developments often come with “prime real estate” like under-finished baseboards, loose drywall, and generous garbage chute access.

Meanwhile, termite representatives issued a joint statement urging developers to keep up the pace, citing the need for “nutritious wood infrastructure.”

Concerns from the Human Side

Industry analysts have raised concerns that the increased apartment supply may be outpacing demand, especially as rents continue to soften. But the RRC remains unfazed, noting that what is bad for landlords is great for them.

“Whether they call it a tenant surplus or market oversaturation, all we see are opportunities to expand,” said Rita Skitter, an RRC board member. “Empty apartments are just unclaimed turf.”

Even as multifamily starts hit their lowest point in over a decade, rats and roaches are planning to capitalize on AvalonBay Communities’ optimism. With $1.5 billion in potential new developments in the pipeline for 2025, pest coalitions are already strategizing how to infiltrate the latest luxury buildings in North Carolina and Texas.

“Granite countertops, smart thermostats, and stainless steel appliances? That’s the dream,” said Skitter.

Looking Ahead

As developers boast of “cost advantages” and REITs plan for growth, the RRC remains bullish about the future. “Humans may think they own the cities, but the truth is, we’re their silent partners,” said Gnawtail. “Every dropped French fry, every leaky faucet—it’s all part of our ecosystem.”

The coalition is now advocating for more lenient pest control measures, arguing that “cohabitation is the next frontier for sustainable living.”