"Homewrecker on Tracks": Local Squirrel Pens Scathing Review of CASE Mini Excavator

Chestnut McFlufferson has a real problem with CASE.

ACORN HILLS, FOREST (HHK)—In a fiery op-ed published in The Woodland Weekly, a furious squirrel named Chestnut McFlufferson has lambasted the CASE Mini Excavator, labeling it a “destructive monstrosity” after it obliterated his meticulously crafted treehouse.

“This so-called ‘mini’ excavator is nothing short of an acorn-seeking missile,” McFlufferson wrote. “CASE claims this machine is powerful, intuitive, and efficient. I call it a soulless wrecking ball disguised as construction equipment.”

A Squirrel’s Paradise, Reduced to Splinters by CASE Mini Excavator

McFlufferson, a fourth-generation resident of Acorn Hills, described the traumatic event in detail. “One moment, I was organizing my winter nut reserves, and the next, my entire home was reduced to kindling by a machine that was too good at its job. Do you know how long it takes to hollow out a branch just right? YEARS.”

“S-Mode Stands for Squirrel Slayer”

Particularly galling to McFlufferson was the CASE Mini Excavator’s mysterious “S” button. “Let me tell you what the ‘S’ stands for: Squirrel Slayer. The operator pressed that button, and the machine tore through my oak like it owed it money. Is this what CASE considers ‘precision engineering’? Because I call it pure evil.”

Overkill for Acorn Retrieval

McFlufferson also criticized the machine's immense pulling power. “Who needs this much torque? Are you uprooting trees or trying to summon an elder forest god? The CASE Mini Excavator doesn’t just excavate—it decimates. I watched in horror as it unearthed my entire acorn stash. That’s months of foraging gone in seconds!”

A Call for Accountability

The squirrel ended his review with a plea for responsible use of heavy machinery. “I’m not saying humans shouldn’t build their roads and parking lots, but must you annihilate innocent wildlife in the process? Maybe consider a squirrel-safe mode? Or is that too much to ask, CASE?”

Case CX57C is fantastic at destroying rodent's homes.

CASE Responds

In a statement, CASE defended the Mini Excavator, claiming it was designed to “make tough jobs easier, not to inconvenience woodland creatures.” A company representative added, “We regret any disruption caused to Mr. McFlufferson but remind him that trees located on job sites are not guaranteed long-term housing.”

McFlufferson’s Verdict

Despite his outrage, McFlufferson admitted the machine is undeniably effective. “Fine, I’ll say it: the CASE Mini Excavator is good—too good. It’s efficient, powerful, and clearly designed by people who hate squirrels. Congratulations, CASE. You’ve ruined my life and won an award for excellence in the process.”

McFlufferson is reportedly organizing a protest with other displaced wildlife, under the slogan, “No Nuts, No Peace.”

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