California Approves $1.4 Billion to Deploy Thousands of EV Chargers, Promptly Realizes Nobody Knows How to Use Them

It seems easy, but after you plug it in. You swipe your credit cards, do the hokey pokey, play a game of hangman and then enter a 124 character confirmation code before charging begins....

SACRAMENTO, CA—In a bold move to secure its green future, California has approved a $1.4 billion plan to install nearly 17,000 new EV charging stations and hydrogen refueling sites, all while quietly acknowledging that half the population still struggles to figure out how to plug in their phones.

The California Energy Commission (CEC) celebrated the decision as a massive step toward achieving zero-emission transportation, projecting the state’s current 152,000 chargers to soar to 250,000 in the “next few years”—or, as locals fear, “as soon as traffic clears on the 405.”

Patty Monahan, the CEC’s lead commissioner for transportation, touted the program’s commitment to “low-income and disadvantaged communities,” promising clean air benefits for neighborhoods where residents currently navigate streets teeming with charging stations they can’t afford to use.

Thousands of EV Chargers: Professional hand model and Governor Gavin Newsom also weighed in, stating, “This historic investment ensures every Californian has access to a charging station—except for those who forgot their adapter or drive anything older than a 2023 model.” Newsom added that the initiative would address “charging deserts,” particularly in communities where public chargers are rarer than affordable rent.

The funding will be distributed over four years through competitive grants, sparking concerns that local governments will spend the money on “artistic” charging stations that double as bird feeders. Meanwhile, hydrogen refueling stations, which are critical to California’s hydrogen vehicle drivers—all 16 of them—will also receive a substantial portion of the funds.

Critics noted that while the state is charging ahead on infrastructure, the average Californian remains puzzled by the logistics of EV ownership. “We’re building a bigger, better network,” Newsom said. “Now we just need people to figure out how to use it without accidentally resetting their car’s Wi-Fi.”

Nationwide EV sales continue to rise, with California leading the charge. Meanwhile, federal support for green initiatives remains uncertain, with President-elect Donald Trump reportedly considering renaming the EV tax credit the “Gas Guzzler’s Dream Rebate.”

As California looks to the future, residents are encouraged to embrace the clean energy revolution. Officials recommend they start by reading the manual.

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